Want a 10 minute hug right now :(

I think about uncertainty all the fucking time and then you stare and suddenly I know, suddenly I’m certain

(Source: vanillateaspoon)

Is it wrong to feel hurt right now

I didn’t make it up

Sdfgujklmnbv :’(

I know very well that I would be the one who’d make this work out as perfectly as it should and could. How come now I feel like I’m the one that’s going to screw it up

Life. Is so. Bleak.

Love of my life, light of my love.

Should have gone to France in fuckingfebruary fuckkkk

I wish whatever I had thought of just now would type itself out or be etched in my memory but I guess I’ll have to type it out. Yesterday, a simple comment about me not being able to do something or doing it wrong frustrated me. Which led me to think about how inadequate I am. I actually don’t think I’m stupid and that I’m capable but I guess that’s what delusional people think. Then I thought if doing all this now is some sort of punishment. You know, for not doing well in school. That’s why everything is wrong, that’s why I’m about to crack. Then I got reminded of how eventhough life isn’t predictable, and full of uncertainties (especially nowww but omg don’t get me started), there’s always that one, or few things. And very recently there’s something else. So amongst all the uncertainties there was something else I was certain about. And then it went away. That feeling. Whatever I had felt earlier on.

A single tweet about going to Uni or the slightest bit of assurance and/or direction in someone’s life agitates me. Might as well compare my emotions to a chemical reaction - volafuckingtile. And then yesterday’s certainty dwindled a little when the thought of “future” came up. I know quite recently, my views on it had shifted. I know things will change and it won’t be like how I had initially thought it would be like and I’m starting to think that its okay. Because. Because everything I know about it were based on my observations and lessons learnt from the people around me and - definitely - from the television. I just find it sad and somewhat disheartening to know that it won’t be like how I had pictured it and hoped to be a while back.

My eyes hurt

HAPPY 12TH OF MAY SAYANG :*

4 adults in the house and I can’t talk to any of them

I feel like getting my twitter account deleted but I’m afraid that if I did that, then I’d stop caring. About everything else.

Cried while watching Beyonce: Live in Roseland ughhh vhbgfdw because I started thinking of everything about achieving something (or a lot of things), doing something you like/love, having consistency and certainty in life and fuck this shit I need to do something with my life. Soon. I keep wondering when my “time” will come. Cos yknow how some people get their “break”, yeah. So when is that happening for me? I’m not looking for a TV show or a recording contract, to appear in magazines, to run a fucking magazine?, I just want to study first. But even that’s not happening for me. I know I talk about it a lot/enough but I can’t help it. I jus..sigh why is everything so difficult and wow my legs are aching